We change. We move on. It’s part of being human.
There’s a lot of change going on with me at the moment and it’s at times like this when a little wisdom can make a big difference.
One of the most effective pieces of advice I’ve ever been given was from a Kung-Fu instructor. She asked me which tree was stronger, the willow or the oak.
The oak is a potent symbol of power, it stands strong against the wind, assenting only to the gentlest of sways whereas the willow flops around all over the place in the merest breeze. The oak will still stand strong in a storm while the willow is battered into the ground.
When the wind gets too strong though, the oak will snap. When the wind subsides the oak will lie broken on the ground and the willow will return to its original form, swaying gently in the breeze.
The skill is knowing when to be the oak and when the forces against you are all too strong. I naturally tend toward the oakish, so I have to keep asking myself if I’m trying to be too strong, if perhaps I should stop pushing and just weather the storm. An ability to recognise when a something is beyond my control, to accept it rather than exhaust myself fighting against it (and probably lose anyway) has saved my bacon many, many times.
This goes hand in hand with another important skill – the ability to seek advantage even in adverse circumstances. When something bad happens it’s all too easy to concentrate on the bad, on what will be lost. A little bit of objective thinking often reveals that whilst some doors are closing others are opening. Sometimes an apparently bad change, on proper analysis, works out to be positive overall.
Lastly, and leading directly from the above, it’s easier to influence something that you’re on board with. If you diametrically oppose something you are likely to find that you become marginalised and are ignored. If you align yourself with it but suggest changes, you are more likely to be listened to.
Take these three together and you can remove a great deal of hassle from your life.